When East and West come together in spectacular style, full volume is recommended throughout…
Some run down towns,
Some trees, other places,
But there’s heavy rain to come they say.
In times of trouble,
rubble and despair,
to be human,
we must care.
The Darkest Corner of My Mind
Conundrum as it surely is
When time and patience disagree
Yet compromise between the two
Appears submissive, unambitious
But convergence of two paths gives
Sometimes blissful stability
Our lines in time were running true
But some insidious force grew
From deep within my fettered mind
Where happiness appears unkind
Untrustworthy and disloyal
Love in here is great betrayal
Blind and robbed of my embodiment
The Iago of my mind in government
Darkness shadowed in a lightless place
Staring numbly in death’s lifeless face.
I wrote this poem on the damaging effects that depression and anxiety can have on relationships, obviously from my own experience, but I’m sure there’s other sufferers out there who know what I’m getting at. If social interactions depend on expression of mutual interest, then for someone who struggles to take an interest in being, this is as you might expect, nigh on impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I can’t engage in interesting conversation or ever experience ‘fun’. But to feel love and fail to express it, with all the limitations to relationships this brings, is I think the root cause of some of the most profound despair felt by many depressives. Of course the condition itself is in turn the cause of this failure, but the longing for mutual understanding with those closest to us is always an agonisingly impossible dream. We’d settle for a mere acceptance, what more can we expect or hope for? I wouldn’t wish my ailments on anyone, never mind my nearest and dearest. I think depressives are forced to compromise a lot in life, and gradually accepting these compromises can surely lead to a more tolerable existence. Finding a relationship which possesses a mutual ‘sixth sense’ of love without a demand for ‘normal’ levels of emotional expression, feels like a panacea at first. The dark corners of the mind are still there though, just repressed by new light and hope. They always creep back, swallowing optimism as they grow, and if the relationship suffers or breaks as a result, well it’s just unspeakable, indescribable.
Anyway as always your thoughts or experiences shared are greatly appreciated and encouraged. I’m sharing in the hope of inspiring others to do the same, or to increase the understanding of non-sufferers, that would be amazing and I’d love to know if so. Thanks for reading.
This is the most striking poem I have read for a long time, from the survivor of a mass shooting in Colorado, Laurie Works replies to the murderer of her two sisters. Take the time to read it.
CC image courtesy of Flickr, Sally Crossthwaite.
Content Warning: gun violence, mass shooting
Laurie Works is a homeschool alum, community organizer, and spoken word poet. She is also a mass shooting survivor. In December 2007, two of her sisters, Rachel and Stephanie Works, died during the New Life Church shooting in Colorado Springs. This poem is her reply to the shooter, Matthew Murray, who was also homeschooled.
Sometimes I feel like we are two sides of the same coin
some people call you the bad penny
just because it landed tails up
they say it’s bad luck.
We could have had the same parents
we were homeschooled, using the same books
from the same publishers
we both learned that evolution was a lie
that the earth was created 6,000 years ago
maybe that’s why we both had such a hard time progressing
100 miles apart, we did the…
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Contained within the trillions of nuclei that make myself
Ingredients of sorrow, woe and agony translate themselves
Until they come to define my existence
The remnants of all other states are void
Emptiness then conquers with persistence
All forms of stimulation I avoid
But in that state of numb submission, pacified I am indeed
When lowered to self-worthlessness, one cannot comprehend man’s greed
Men whose being influences billions of other souls
Mistake responsibility for power, and corruption grows
Not only in the mind of the beholder
But spreading thick and fast and sick
Rewarding all of those whose minds grow colder
Exterminating those who might have dared to challenge it
Thus my mind full of emptiness is torturous in this respect
Existence un-deprived and un-oppressed
But still I find myself so inconsolably depressed
There must within my nuclei be other lines of code
Directing other paths down which my happiness has strode.
Why do almost all world ‘leaders’ usually appear devoid of ‘common’ characteristics like expression of emotion, empathy, compassion etc? Is it a prerequisite for a career in politics, or does the choice of life-path drain their souls of these human traits?
They can’t all be depressives, surely!
No, depressives may struggle with expression of certain emotions, but we’ve got them in us, that’s for sure. Maybe it’s the same with powerful figures except a different oppressor on the mind keeps them obscured, such as the unimaginable weight of responsibility, as opposed to the mental illness. Sir Winston Churchill dealt with both of these at a time of World War, which I find utterly astounding, and admirable beyond belief.
I can muster no envy for people with excessive power or responsibilities to other humans, maybe I just fear that the various ‘systems’ of the world will inevitably fail them, and maybe so do the leaders themselves, so avoid excessive rocking of an unstable boat in choppy waters. Speaking of which, there are humans risking their lives and literally dying trying to escape their war-torn homelands. They’re being forced out against their will, into a treacherous journey of many perils which hundreds and hundreds of human beings are not surviving. And some people in their safe and cosy country cottages or council houses want to send them back! Is empathy gradually dying out amongst human souls?! Is it burdensome to have a little compassion?!
A slight diversion from the subject there, but it’s all related really isn’t it? The leaders must display power, wealth, support, determination, etc. as long as they have them, to their people and those of other countries. But with power comes responsibility. If some of the richest countries in the world can’t pull together to help some of the most desperate and oppressed people in the world, what hope is there for mankind? I know Merkel has received much due praise for her compassionate stance on the current crisis, but the growing opposition from other sides to what seems to me, moral, is frightful, don’t you think?
Just a thought, thanks for reading .
…But varies in availability.
In solitary I question who I am
In company I know not who to be
Free will is a fantastical scam
I’ve never found an ounce of it in me
Whoever that may be, or does become
Whatever branch he doesn’t choose en-route
I’m on my shoulders like a loving son
A ride through life is closer to the truth
So if it takes me in or out the way
Up to a peak or further down as feared
I’ll have no regrets or words to say
On where my unique humble life was steered
Whoever I am, or do become
It is beautiful, that I am one.
Free will is a strange notion isn’t it? How we go about our lives feeling like we’re making all of our own decisions, when we often forget whether we’ve done something. Surely we’ve all felt that we’ve been on ‘auto-pilot’ for a time, but to what extent can our brains control us without us thinking about it, or even remembering doing it?
Let’s discuss this from all angles and perspectives, remember this is a community so everyone’s input is valued. I’d love to hear different religious or cultural attitudes to ‘free will’ from around the world, so please post your thoughts here and respect each other’s opinions. Debate but don’t attack. Thanks.
Whatever it is, it certainly isn’t free…