My first (last) post left a few essential things unsaid. Consider this an extension of my introduction. One central aim of this blog is to document individual experiences of depression and anxiety, and my efforts to achieve an eventual (ever hopeful!) gradual recovery from my loathing of existence. ‘What a piece of work is man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals, and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me, no, nor woman neither’ (Hamlet, Shakespeare).
If I do manage to ‘change my mind’ in a literal and positive sense, it will be the art forms of literature (I’m studying English language and literature), poetry, music, and theatre to which I’m most indebted. To some extent I’ve made some recovery already, I tried to kill myself in 2010 and now I’m glad I didn’t succeed, so that in itself must reflect improvement. I’m by no means cured though, I’ve just managed to gradually improve my situation over time by making changes where I can, and accepting a myriad of flaws. Since I embarked on my second attempt at getting a degree, I’ve started to appreciate the therapeutic value of writing. I have about as much natural motivation as a stone has blood, so I’m theoretically making my own here. Your input, dear reader, could literally change my life. I bet you don’t hear that every day, but there may be some kind of compassionate community in this blogging world which I’ve been missing out on. Discussion of our problems with others really helps us understand ourselves, and I’ve just realised that my mind is taking me off the beaten track again. Anyway I intend to document my poetry and music on here as I go, not in any particular order, just whenever I feel they’re appropriate. Thank you for reading, please do make this a discussion rather than a monologue, I’d value your thoughts over mine.